well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
now i know why i became what i already was.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
