what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
