The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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