is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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