Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
