i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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