she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
