I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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