I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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