is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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