It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
