if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
