Whod you bang
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
