you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
