Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Who died my cat blue again?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
