I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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