so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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