why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
where am i from again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
