she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
