I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
