we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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