Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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