everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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