You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
