hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
