Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
