I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
