How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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