with your own penis?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize