probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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