It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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