dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Farmville is her only friend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize