I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
