Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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