I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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