Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
