So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
