i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
