you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
