You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
