he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
