I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
