You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
