come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
