random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
