Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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