Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize