you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize