Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
