I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
