Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
