From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
