2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
