It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
