I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize