someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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