She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
