i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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