I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
