so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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