OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
