Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
