i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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